May 2013
April 2013
March 2013
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Plato: For the greater good.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Niccolò Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!
Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
Friedrich Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
Oliver North: National Security was at stake.
BF Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
Salvador Dali: The Fish.
Charles Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
Epicurus: For fun.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Johann von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it [censored] wanted to. That's the [censored] reason.
Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
Ronald Reagan: I forget.
John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Mr T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!
Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Molly Yard: It was a hen!
Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.
Geoffrey Chaucer: So priketh hem nature in hir corages.
William Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud.
The Godfather: I didn't want its mother to see it like that.
John Keats: Philosophy will clip a chicken's wings.
William Blake: To see heaven in a wild fowl.
Othello: Jealousy.
Dr Samuel Johnson: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have, you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the Need to resist such a public Display of your own lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.
Margaret Thatcher: This chicken's not for turning.
Supreme Soviet: There has never been a chicken in this photograph.
Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in town ought never expose one to such barbarous inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the chicken in question.
Franz Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.
Jonathan Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome, filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume to question the actions of one in all respects his superior.
Macbeth: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o'er.
Alfred North Whitehead: Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of misplaced concreteness.
Sigmund Freud: An die andere Seite zu kommen. (Much laughter.)
Hamlet: That is not the question.
John Donne: It crosseth for thee.
Pope: It was mimicking my Lord Hervey.
John Constable: To get a better view.
WB Yeats: She was following the Faeries that sang to her to come away with them from the dull, bucolic comfort of the farmyard to the waters and the wild.
JRR Tolkien: Chickens are respectable folk, and well thought of. They never go on any adventures or do anything unexpected. One fine spring day, as the chicken wandered contentedly around the farmyard, clucking and pecking and enjoying herself immensely, there appeared a Wizard and thirteen Dwarves who were in need of a chicken to share in their adventure. Reluctantly she joined their party, and with them crossed the road into the great Unknown, muttering about how rude the Dwarves were to take her away on such short notice, without even giving her time to brush her feathers or fetch her hat.
Let’s get something straight-
hell isn’t being alone, hell is other people.
January 2013
Watchaqvalvng:
one of my favorite things on the interweb
December 2012
Ed Gein: The Butcher of Plainfield
autumonster:
ghoulsandmonsters:
November 16, 1957 - The sleepy town of Plainfield, Wisconsin was about to change forever. The man who was the inspiration for Leatherface, Norman Bates and Jame Gumb was apprehended. At the time of the arrest, police suspected Gein of abducting hardware-store owner, Bernice Worden. They would find not only Bernice, but the mutilated bodies of several other...
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I’ve noticed this growing trend at MATC for professors to take attendance and count it towards my grade? MOTHERFUCKER if I am paying you to be there why should you care if I’m there or not? You get the paycheck either way, I’m passing my all my tests with A’s yet you’re threatening my spot on the Dean’s List because your tests are so easy I don’t need to...
November 2012
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Swing, ting, ting
My thoughts are a delicate rose’s pedals protected by daggerous thorns
I cry when the wind caresses my thoughts telling me it all passes with time
Especially when the wind whips and you can’t swing back.
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Things that I write:
Sins
Things that I don’t write:
Tragedies
Things people haven’t heard of
Closing the god damn door
Things the Bride is:
A whore
Things I wouldn’t be caught dead in:
This Place
